


It isn't Heaven with you, but it's hell without you (Why did you break me and remade me this way?)

by Crazy_not_insane (Queen_of_potatoes_and_Co_Angstalor)



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Skyout
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_of_potatoes_and_Co_Angstalor/pseuds/Crazy_not_insane
Summary: Blackout gets a visit from someone he doesn't want to see while resting in the afterlife.
Relationships: Blackout & CT-1284 | Spark & Stealth Squad, Blackout (Star Wars)/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	It isn't Heaven with you, but it's hell without you (Why did you break me and remade me this way?)

**Author's Note:**

> Sup! I hope you guys like it! #Skyoutforthewin and yes, the title is supposed to be something that Blackout thinks at one point.
> 
> ~~Yes, we have a ship name! Thanks to@coruscantguard or nadiavandyne/coruscantguard on here in ao3.~~
> 
> Inspired by this headcanons.
> 
>  **Trigger Warning:** Panic Attack or something close to it. ~~I tried to write it at least.~~

( _ Blue, kind,  _ beautiful _ eyes- _

_ Yellow, sick,  _ terrifying  _ eyes- _

_ A hand holding his own- _

_ Hands holding him tightly- _

_ He can’t move- _

_ He can’t control himself- _

_ Why is his Cyare1 _ _ doing this- _

_ Why why whywhywhy _ **_why_ ** **_why_ ** _ - _ )

Blackout woke up with a start, sitting up in a flash as a scream left his mouth.

He was shaking, he could feel Vader’s hands on him, as if holding him too tightly as he did after the war.

Out of nowhere, he felt a hand touch him lightly in the back making him flinch.

“Sorry, sorry  _ vod2 _ ...” Said someone near him, the hand quickly disappearing.

Blackout blinked, trying to control his breathing as someone was softly talking beside him.

“ _ Vod3 _ ? You back?” Someone asked, on the left of him, after a few moments.

“Y-Yeah...” Blackout slowly said, turning to the side to see his  _ kih’vod’ika4 _ , Spark.

“S-Spark…?” He asked softly, slowly coming back to the world.

“Hey Blackout, glad to see that you are back,” Spark said quietly, kneeling beside him in their giant king-size bed that they shared with their squad (although Spark often left to sleep with his batch who marched on early in the war).

Talking about them-

“W-Where-?” Started to ask Blackout, looking around and seeing the rest of their team.

“They left to get food and to check on the other  _ vod5 _ ,” Spark answered, cutting him off before he could finish his question.

Blackout nodded, taking deep breaths and laying down on his bed again, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“Nightmare?” Asked Spark, at Blackout’s humming of confirmation, he continued “Castle or the War?”

“Castle.” Answered softly Blackout, trying to block the images from his nightmare.

They stayed in silence for a while, before Spark sighed tiredly.

“I’m sorry  _ vod6 _ , I should have found you sooner, that way you wouldn’t have suffered as much,” Spark said, causing Blackout to remove the arm he had over his eyes and turn his head so he was looking in disbelief at Spark, who hadn’t moved from his initial spot.

“Spark,  _ vod’ika7 _ , please don’t blame yourself, if we are blaming people then blame  _ me _ . I should have noticed sooner-” Blackout said, propping himself up using his elbows as he spoke but Spark cut him off.

“What are you talking about? You couldn’t know, G-Master Kenobi and the other  _ Jetti8 _ didn’t notice, and he spent most of his childhood with them. If they couldn’t see it, I doubt that you would be able too.” His  _ kih’vod9 _ said, crossing his arms.

Blackout sighed, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to convince Spark of his blame in their and their  _ Vod10 _ enslavement and  _ Jettise11 _ death. Same as always it happened it seems, people always refused to believe him when he said that it was his fault.

Before he could dwell on people being in denial about his blame with everything that happened, something drew his and Sparks attention.

A knocking on the door.

“That’s weird.” Spark stated, frowning and uncrossing his arms “The others have the password and we aren’t expecting anyone.” Spark continued, moving to leave the bed until Blackout waved him off, already putting his feet on the ground.

“I got it, don’t worry.” Blackout said before adding “Besides, I need to stretch my legs.” He said, walking quickly to the door and opening it.

“ _ Su cuy’g12 _ -” Blackout cut himself off as he saw who was on the other side, colour draining from his face.

“Hey Blackout.” Anakin (his  **_Cyare 13_ ** ) said, with a nervous and hesitant (beautiful) smile in his face.

Blackout stumbled back in shock, his breath quickening at the sight of the man who had kept him prisoner for years and treated him like an object while enjoying the fact he wasn’t in control of his mind.

“Blacko-” Started to say Anakin (Vader? He looked like when Anakin wasn’t a Sith...) as he stepped forward with a hand extended to help him but was stopped by Spark.

“What are you doing!?” Spark shouted, suddenly besides Blackout, a bit in front of him.

“You.” Anakin growled, his eyes flashing yellow as Blackout suddenly felt himself be pulled into his boyfriend (ex? Husband? Ex-Husband? He thinks Anakin married him at some point after the  **Order** happened...) hold by an invisible force.

Blackout immediately struggled for a few seconds until he heard a lightsaber be turned on, which made him freeze in his place.

“What do you think you are doing here?” Blackout heard Anakin growl out, his hold tightening on him, making Blackout feel for a second that it was a robotic arm hugging him and not a flesh one.

“Let him go.” Blackout heard Spark order.

“Why should I? You were the one that killed him.” Anakin snapped, impossibly tightening his hold as Blackout noticed through his blurry eyes that he was crying and that his tears were falling into Anakin’s shoulder, staining the clothes he was wearing.

“I didn’t kill him, it was your actions that caused him to die.” Spark snapped back, clearly defensive if his tone was anything to go by.

Blackout didn’t pay attention any further other than noticing that the shouts were getting louder as he started to have difficulty breathing, both because of his panic and Anakin’s stronghold.

All of sudden, Blackout felt someone grab his shoulder and being taken away from Anakin’s arms and into another’s person’s hold.

Blackout struggled a bit as he the shouting around him intensified but out of nowhere, the shouting started to sound muffed and he was put in a comfortable place with no idea how he got there.

Feeling someone touch his hair, Blackout flinched away and tried to stop any sniffling and sobs from leaving his mouth.

“Sorry  _ vod14 _ ...” Someone murmured near his ear as the hand left his hair and they moved to simply hug him.

They stayed like that for a while in silence, Blackout having felt someone shift and lay beside him (which made him tense but later relax as the person did nothing) at some point during that time.

Finally, after what felt like a long time, Blackout slowly came fully back to the world, seeing that he was being hugged by one of his brothers.

“Wha-What…?” Blackout managed to move a bit and looked around and saw that the one who was hugging him was Senaar15, with Spark behind him.

“Shhhh, _udesii vod 16_.” Said Senaar, slowly moving starting to rub Blackout’s back while Spark slowly inched closer.

“How are you feeling?” Asked softly Spark, concern in his eyes.

“Like a speeder ran me over...” Blackout answered quietly, leaning more into Senaar, the second oldest member of their squad (as Blackout was the oldest).

Spark and Senaar winced in sympathy as Spark slowly joined their hug.

They stayed like that for a long time, the others joining in after returning to their room to tell them that Anakin shouldn’t bother them further as General Kenobi would make sure of that.

(Blackout discovered that time that the Squad had returned in the middle of Blackout’s panic attack and Spark and Anakin shouting at each other, in the end, one commed General Kenobi to help while Senaar and Spark took Blackout back into their room.)

***************************

Blackout sat in the middle of the ‘fresher, staring down at a small, unopened letter that Anakin had sent him without the other’s knowledge, unsure what to do with it. Should he open it? Should he read what was inside? Should he cut it in pieces? Should he tell the oth-?

“Yo, Blackout, hurry up! We need to also go to the ‘fresher!” Shouted one of his  _ kih’vod’ika17 _ , knocking loudly at the door.

Making a decision, Blackout shouted a “Coming!” while moving one of the cabinets slightly to him before hiding the letter behind it before putting on a small smile and opening the door, switching friendly insults with his brothers and sister.

  
(The letter laid untouched for a  _ long _ time…)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I hope you like it ~~and that I wrote Blackout's situation well enough~~! Don't forget to comment and/or send an ask to my Tumblr([@mrfandomwars](%E2%80%9Dmrfandomwars.tumblr.com%E2%80%9D))!
> 
>  **Translations:**  
>  1\. Beloved;  
> 2\. Sibling;  
> 3\. Sibling;  
> 4\. Dear little brother;  
> 5\. Siblings;  
> 6.Siblings;  
> 7\. Dear Sibling;  
> 8\. Jedi;  
> 9\. Little Sibling;  
> 10\. Siblings;  
> 11\. Jedi's;  
> 12\. Hello, unfinished;  
> 13\. Beloved;  
> 14\. Sibling;  
> 15\. Bird, he is the unnamed pilot;  
> 16\. Calm down sibling (brother here);  
> 17\. Dear little/younger sibling;
> 
> EDIT: Formatting didn't work, for some reason it kept appearing _rel "nofollow"_ , if anyone knows why, please leave in the comments! Or asks.


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